Udderly Awkward Pumping at Work

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I know what you’re thinking, being a mom is super relaxing and glamorous… Yeah… everyone knows that having a baby means you have zero time for yourself, sleeping, your partner, cleaning your house, grocery shopping… showering, brushing your hair, etc. (Deodorant, yoga pants, and baby powder erryday).

One of the many fun things I do get to do several times a day is pump. Joy. Sitting there mostly naked, hooked up to an udder-milker, freezing cold (‘cause you know, nekkid / winter), lulled by the dulcet tones of the fingernails on chalkboard screech of REEEEEHrewwwwww REEEEEEHreeewwwwww…. For 20-30 minutes. Every 4-6 hours.

My son takes too long to nurse so in the middle of the night and in the morning before we rush off to work, he gets bottled of pumped milk (and milk is sent with him to daycare). Ok, great, that means you get to sleep longer, right? NO. It means that I am waking up in the middle of the night to feed my baby a bottle, get him back to sleep, and then I get to go and pump for 25 minutes or so, store the milk, and somehow fall back asleep. Lather, rinse, repeat. And then in the morning I get to wake up 30 min early to pump. Because drippage.

Who knew that washable nipple pads would be such a crucial part of the first year of my child’s life? ‘Cause what’s more awkward for strangers than seeing wet breast milk marks seeping through your clothes. Good times.

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The winner for most awkward pumping, though, by far is pumping at work. LET ME PAINT YOU A PICTURE. I work in an office of desks and cubes. Mostly men. Two or three times a day, I sequester myself in the conference room, the only separated off room in our office with walls, a door, and a lock. We put in blinds while I was pregnant and someone asked me why. I think I eloquently replied, “cuz, um, well, I’m preggers, and when I get back, I’ll need space to, you know, cuz I’ll be nursing, so I’ll need to pump.”

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So I go in there, lower the blinds, get nekkid, and pump. DUDE.  I AM TOPLESS AT WORK. On the computer, typing, super slowly and awkwardly, arms out in bicycle position to not knock it out of place, while wondering if it’s true that the government can log in to anyone’s computer camera at any time, and wondering if someone is watching me pump daily… IT COULD HAPPEN!  Then storing the pumped human juice in the communal fridge.  ‘Oh hello, no, that is just juice squeezed from a person, don’t mind that …  ‘

Ah, ladylike modesty…

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A near second place is pumping in the car. This is a time saver, especially since I live about 45 minutes from work and some days, those extra 30 min of pumping while traveling is crucial after a multiple-wake-ups night. Ok, so I wear my hands free pump bra, which looks like a bandeau top with hole for your nips to poke through, hook up the pump, and drape a scarf around my neck and front so passers by aren’t blinded…

If a cop pulls me over, I will literally cry and then be like, yeah? What?

Worth it? Definitely. Glamorous, it is not. Trying to do this ’til my son is 1 year. Five months to go. Encouragement accepted.

My Laptop is Mocking Me

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Hi, all.  Lauren here.  Yesterday I had one of those WHY WON’T YOU JUST WORK moments with my laptop.  For those of you know me, I am extremely attached to my laptop and phone.  My job requires me to sit at my laptop all day long.

I was scheduled for a meeting and call with a client and coworker at 2pm.  I noticed around 1:50pm that my computer was getting pretty slow, so I restarted it so it would be ALL SHINY AND NEW AND FAST for my meeting in a few minutes.

And do you know what I did?  It imploded.  It laughed and me and said, “Oh, you need to do something online in a few minutes? Here let me completely reboot and reinstall your operating system.  It should only take 24 minutes.” (WHICH WAS A LIE, IT TOOK 52!)

I was furious. I was embarrassed.  I was confused – why have you forsaken me?

Technology.  Awesome when it works.  Slamming productivity to a whiplash-inducing halt when it doesn’t.

I was so annoyed / irate that I was sweating and turning red (the caffeinated tea I had with lunch did not help).

I tried to take deep calming breaths and remember that I had no control over the situation and could do nothing but wait.  And Skype my coworker from my phone to help answer her questions while she met with our client on her own.

I HATE FEELING / APPEARING INCOMPETENT.  This laptop is on thin ice.  I am ready to go Office-Space on it.

Soon.

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Thanksgiving Family Time – Preparation!

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So that was a long hiatus.  Sorry about that.  Katie picked up and moved to the South, and I am just plugging along.

Since we’ve been gone, some things have been happening in this crazy world.

But instead of waxing philosophic about that, how’s about some hilarity?

Thanksgiving is coming, and we all know what that means….  get out yo fat pants, time for some FEASTING!

Thanksgiving jokes? Why yes please!

Animals dressed up for the occasion?  Oh hell yes! (those feet!!)

 

Why can’t Christmas wait its turn?  Because the mall hates turkeys, that’s why.  And also, consumerism, and all that.

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Thanksgiving turns into “how many houses can we go to in 1 day, how much food can we shove into our faces, what clothes will survive this test?”

I already had two extended families who require my presence, and then I went and got married.  So now I have three Thanksgivings to figure out.  Oh, and my mom likes to do a small “just us” Thanksgiving the night before.  As a preview.  For the exact same thing.  The next day.  Turkey coma.

Standard Thanksgiving cuisine:  Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, pumpkin pie.  Anything else is just extra, filling, unnecessary. Stuffing from a box?  No.  Make that shit.  With real bread.  And some sausage and maybe oysters…

Family coming in from out of town, people being hungover from being out the night before (or in my cousins’ case, never having gone to bed and still drunk from the nigh before), filing into the too-close seats on the loooong table, casually switching name cards to sit next to the cousin you want to sit next to / avoiding that one relative that just …  you know….

Last year was my now-husband’s first Thanksgiving with my dad’s extended family and he was….  overwhelmed.  The amount of yelling, stories, drinking, hilarity, accents…  just The Davis Way, in general….  He has now recovered…  just in time!!!  Mwahahahaa!

This year, we have been lucky enough to get the family together a few extra times, between my wedding and my brother’s wedding, so I am thrilled to see everyone again in a week, but I also need to start prepping now for the hilarity and such.  We will miss my brother and sister-in-law this year, but the volume may be down a bit…  🙂

 

A new pair of pants

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Hey there friends. Sorry about the radio silence for a bit. Thanks to my bestest best in the world for holding down the fort. I lurve yew, Lauren. The fam and I have been busy of late. Or, really, for the past year.

Have you ever had that moment where you sat back, looked at your husband, wife, whatever you have and had that realization that things just don’t fit any more? Well, husband and I had that moment last October after the kid had been in Kindergarten for about a month. It was almost like the life we had built fit like too tight pants. It just wasn’t working for us. Nope nope nope

Our kid was going to a school that was not a good fit. The area is tanking. THE TRAFFIC. Honestly, there were a million factors. Commence full adulting. Ugh. It is both the best and the worst.

So, we did it. We ripped the band aid off and left town like the Colts.

This process has taught me a lot about myself, my husband, our super awesome kid. But most of all, it taught me how much I hate packing and unpacking. And orchestrating moves. And how badly I wish I had genie.

Things are coming together. The house is dorbs. The hood is great. School is fab.

What lies ahead? No snow. Beaches. Family. Great food.

Don’t worry, I have PLENTY to share.

Sharing Funnies From Pinterest, Pt. 2

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Today is a DGAF day, so I am sharing some funny things from our shared Pinterest Board for your amusement.  Don’t judge us harshly.

First of all – these are hilarious.

Also, these make me giggle.

WTH!!!  Horse Conch ( Triplofusus giganteus ) — eating a Lightning Whelk ( Busycon perversum ) which is a very large predatory sea snail
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This is Katie.  She hates road bikes.  “Use the sidewalk.”  And to her I say PPSSHHHH.  ROAD BIKES!!!!  Share the freakin road!
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This is dorbs.
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Juggling Stimuli & Connectedness

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We have all heard about our “ADD Nation” or the generation of young adults who are “too plugged in.” I was thinking about how, at all times, I am focusing on one of many distractions in my life, a book I am reading, an audiobook I am listening to, a Netflix series I am marathoning, etc.

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I would not consider myself ADHD. I am not hyperactive, I do not have trouble with attention, but the argument could be made that, in today’s pop culture and society, there is a certain amount of hyper-multi-tasking expected; hyper-attention to numerous concurrent pieces of your life. At work, with friends/family, social media, cell phones keeping us connected to each other and available to each other at all times…

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There was a time when I only read one book at a time, but we don’t just have one work assignment at a time. We don’t have one friend at a time. But I figured, focus on this one, power through, then move on to the next. I’ll go through books faster that way, won’t get bogged down, won’t forget what was going on, etc. That doesn’t work for me now. Part of that is a technology shift, part of that is a life shift. When I was younger and in college, I didn’t have much down time for reading for pleasure. When I did, focusing on one book made sense. But now, I don’t have a whole lot of intellectual endeavors in my life unless I create them. So, I have a book I am reading or kindle-ing. I have an audiobook for the car, the gym, walking the dog, folding laundry, etc. I read out loud with my husband books we want to share. And then there are the shows. I am a master at the art of a Netflix marathon on slow weekend days, freezing winter nights, or background noise for working from home; and I also watch shows live on TV or DVR’d with my husband.

Hard to juggle/keep straight, you ask? No. They’re all different and engaging my brain in different ways. I try not to mainline two shows about similar topics at the same time, because it does get confusing (Scandal and House of Cards, omg so hard to keep track of which is which). Historical fiction and sci-fi, easy to keep separated.

When at work, I stay tuned in to Twitter for news and updates about the world, funny links, and so on. It is my link to the real world while I sit (now stand – just got a stand up desk) at work and stare at a screen all day.

So when is my brain’s time to be creative, flow naturally, take a break? I was thinking about this and realized that really the only time I am not tuned into something is when I am hiking or with a friend / family / husband. Do I need to force myself to slow down, to meditate, to do more yoga (omg, yes, I am so not bendy)? Or are these pieces of my life what enriches me now? I am 31, recently married, don’t yet have kids, like my job but am not obsessed or working overtime or anything. I have great family and friends, but I spend a lot of time on my own, as is the nature of working and living in the suburbs.

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I really think that having these distractions, alternate realities I can enjoy, and sometimes share with others, really make me a more interesting person, give me things to talk about, to suggest to others. Some people follow international news, fashion trends, real housewives… I follow books and shows and my friends/family. I have a GoodReads account to track books I have read, books I want to read, suggestions from others, so that when people say, hey any book suggestions for me, I can say, why yes, let me go through my lists. I like sharing that with people. And I like reading others’ suggestions to better understand them, their preferences, and to engage with them.

In another life, I was a Hobbit in a reading nook…

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Random Distractions While I’m On Vacay

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Heading to the beach for a few days for a last minute beach trip. Very excited. When we get back, heading off to go camping for a few days.  Should be an interesting week!

So I wanted to share some funny things with you before heading off:

  1. 12 GIFs That Perfectly Sum Up a Moment of Instant Regret

  2. Huge Meter-Long Lizards Are Crawling Through the Bangkok Sewers and This Guy Caught One on Video

  3. 10 Pics That Prove The Struggle Is Real When Running In Real Life

  4. 10 Music Genres Perfectly Explained

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