The Stuffs of Nightmares

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For a few years now my son has been begging us for a pet. We used to have two cats but they are now in heaven and he misses them terribly. When the cats died, I missed them very much but also I felt free. Totally free. Our cats were about 100 years old and we had had them since 1996. I mean, I loved every thing about them, but I no longer had to deal with the ins and outs of daily pet care. Which was great. Having a husband and a kid was enough for me. When I was pregnant, I took all of my house plants except 2 and dumped them out into the yard. It was just one more thing I had to take care of and I had my hands full.

Fast forward to about three years ago. Both cats had died. Our boy desperately wanted a dog. Guys – I don’t have any other way to tell you this…I don’t like dogs. I mean, sure, there are a few that I think are cute. In pictures. Far away from me. I love Lauren’s dog (honestly, she is the only one). But other than that, NOPE NOPE NOPE. So to have a kid that will tell every person walking a dog, “Hey, I like your dog,” and with tears in his eyes beg you for a pup – let’s just say it makes it hard to say no. But don’t worry. We persevered. Husband and I are a united front. And, factor in that we wanted to sell our house and that does not make it an ideal time to get a pet….you get one really sad little boy.

Well, we are now all settled in and he keeps asking for a kitty. Who he has already named….

Flashback to vacation….The husband took him to one of those kitschy, shitty tourist trap stores where they sell all the things and there they had hermit crabs. He, of course, wanted one immediately. We had to shut that down. First of all, no. Secondly, we were flying home and it was just not going to happen. The boy has a steel trap for a mind and never forgets ANYTHING. Seriously. He remembers things from when he was very young – so young that it is kind of freaky. So, until this past weekend, I successfully had delayed the pet talk. Now that we are settled, he was like, great – pet time! I was like, whoa whoa whoa. So, he asked if he could at least get a hermit crab. I reluctantly agreed. I read up a little on the little critters and we went off to the pet store. Guess who was not prepared for this? ME.

We purchased their little house and accouterments and two hermit crabs so they would keep each other company. They have been aptly named Hermie and Scorpio. And they are DISGUSTING. I hate them. They completely FREAK me out with their weird spindly little legs that fold up and they poke around. They shuffle around in their cage. And, my son is completely smitten. HE LOVES THEM. He loves to hold them. He loves taking care of them. On the ride home from the pet store he lovingly held them in his cute little baby hands and proudly stated that this was the best day of his entire life.

Each night while I read him books before bed, he holds them. I am 100% totally freaked out. They give me the willies. Creepy crawlies. My son laughs and laughs all while they hobble up and down his arms and hands. I can’t take it. Last night, I stood at the foot of his bed and read to him. Do these things hop? I bet they do. Husband thinks this is hilarious. That is until he comes home in a week and I make him take care of them with their weird little hermit crab pooper scooper. Fun fact – hermit crabs apparently poop. A lot. I did not know this. Now, I have scoop hermit crab poop and try not to scream in terror the entire time. And then I disinfect my entire house and child and take a Silkwood shower.

Image result for hermit crab

*insert me screaming as I put up this picture*

*What is going to happen to me if I get too close to them*

In other news…

Lauren got a new whip. This is her driving around town now:

I started watching Sense 8. Anyone else in on this? Discuss, please.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/kellyoakes/biologists-are-tweeting-photos-of-cute-animals-in-a-cuteoff

Talenti Gelato – Product Endorsement or gift from God?

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A few months ago, something happened. I was perusing the aisles of my beloved grocery store, Fresh Market, and stumbled upon something that would FOREVER change my life. It was as though angels started singing and the light of God shone upon me.

I found Talenti Gelato. I know that I usually have the reputation of exaggerating but I AM 100% SERIOUS WHEN I TELL YOU THIS: Talenti is the BEST ice cream I have ever had. My affinity with ice cream and it’s brethren began so early in my life that I can’t even tell you the story. Ice cream is just a part of me, man.

Back to that fateful day…Talenti has one million* flavors. Guys. They have banana chocolate chip. Banana. Dark. Chocolate. Chip. Were you sitting? I hope you didn’t fall down. I’m pretty sure that later that evening while I hid in the back of my closet eating said gelato, my life forever changed.

*probably not true but they should. Every flavor is GOLD.

Try them. You will NOT be disappointed. And Talenti, you are welcome. You don’t even have to pay me to spread the good word. It is just THAT good.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have a giant tub of salted caramel that I have to eat before my family notices it was even in the house.

A new pair of pants

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Hey there friends. Sorry about the radio silence for a bit. Thanks to my bestest best in the world for holding down the fort. I lurve yew, Lauren. The fam and I have been busy of late. Or, really, for the past year.

Have you ever had that moment where you sat back, looked at your husband, wife, whatever you have and had that realization that things just don’t fit any more? Well, husband and I had that moment last October after the kid had been in Kindergarten for about a month. It was almost like the life we had built fit like too tight pants. It just wasn’t working for us. Nope nope nope

Our kid was going to a school that was not a good fit. The area is tanking. THE TRAFFIC. Honestly, there were a million factors. Commence full adulting. Ugh. It is both the best and the worst.

So, we did it. We ripped the band aid off and left town like the Colts.

This process has taught me a lot about myself, my husband, our super awesome kid. But most of all, it taught me how much I hate packing and unpacking. And orchestrating moves. And how badly I wish I had genie.

Things are coming together. The house is dorbs. The hood is great. School is fab.

What lies ahead? No snow. Beaches. Family. Great food.

Don’t worry, I have PLENTY to share.

Sanctimommies and Entitled Parents

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I don’t have kids. Which, I know, means I’m not allowed to have an opinion…. Yet.

So I’m not even going to say anything. I am just going to share two hilarious links. Do with them as you will.

Happy Thursday.

  1. The most obnoxious moms with social media accounts.
  2. This school’s answering machine is not quite what you’d expect.

rdzYzGf

Reading Aloud To Kids

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As you know, I feel very strongly about reading. This is most likely because my parents made reading part of my life, part of my routine, part of their expectation for me, and part of our shared relationships.

Hobbit-Reading

They gave me age appropriate, exciting, adventurous, fun books. Most of the time. My dad snuck in some way-out-of-my-league books (which I have since reread and been like, oooohhhh, that’s what that was about), and my mother (an English teacher) snuck in some educational snore-fests.

Recently married, contemplating kids, timing, values, etc., one thing I know – reading will be a huge part of my children’s lives and a huge part of our relationships.

Reading to children, encouraging them to be excited to read on their own, reading the same books and then discussing (and by discussing I mean nerding out at the dinner table while everyone else rolls their eyes)…. This is what I want!

ba352772a67f6d2fba3b95e97127011f(You know you sang along when you read that shirt)

So, I have started compiling a list of books to be sure to read to my kids. Many of these are the very same books my parents read to me, because (shocker), I know about them, love them, and want to share them with my kids. But I am also looking for some good, more recent additions to the child-appropriate literary world to add to my never-too-early GoodReads list of books to read to my kids.

Here’s what I have so far:

  • The Hobbit and the LOTR trilogy (obviously)
  • Harry Potter (duh)
  • Ender’s Game (again, duh…)
  • Narnia
  • His Dark Materials series
  • Lots of Roald Dahl
  • Where the Sidewalk Ends, Shel Silverstein
  • The Neverending Story
  • The Princess Bride
  • The Phantom Tollbooth
  • A Wrinkle In Time
  • The Giver

So, please SEND ME SOME SUGGESTIONS!

Happy reading!

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Sharing Funnies From Pinterest, Pt. 2

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Today is a DGAF day, so I am sharing some funny things from our shared Pinterest Board for your amusement.  Don’t judge us harshly.

First of all – these are hilarious.

Also, these make me giggle.

WTH!!!  Horse Conch ( Triplofusus giganteus ) — eating a Lightning Whelk ( Busycon perversum ) which is a very large predatory sea snail
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This is Katie.  She hates road bikes.  “Use the sidewalk.”  And to her I say PPSSHHHH.  ROAD BIKES!!!!  Share the freakin road!
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This is dorbs.
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Why Can’t I Share My Kindle Books?

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Ok today’s topic, nay rant, is about Kindle book “sharing”. I use quotation marks because Kindle is all like, oh yeah, you can totally share books you purchase from us. And then they have that shady fast-talker come on with a ** side note about only being able to share about 30% of all Kindle books, for only 2 weeks at a time, and each Kindle book can only be shared once.

Feeling-Frustrated

Ok. There are so many things wrong with this. I am a big reader. I have bookshelves and boxes of books. Just ask my family, who have helped me move said boxes into a myriad of apartments and townhouses over the years. I have a Kindle. I love my Kindle. But if someone is offering a hard copy book, lending to me, throwing books away, I am happy to nab them. Hence = book hoarder.

I love the Kindle in concept and in action, but their sharing has got to be updated. In real life, we pass books on to friends. We give them, lend them, etc. For as long as we want. To as many people as we can before the well-loved spines break and we cry over the loss of an old friend. I digress.

I should be able to lend out any Kindle book, not just the 30% they deem old or classic, and therefore no longer receiving royalties or something. They don’t receive royalties for all the people I lend books to, either. So suck it. And let me distribute books I PAID FOR however I want.imagesthe-kindle

The end.