This way or that way

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Hello there!

So, today, I am driving the struggle bus. I had insomnia again last night and that means I have had WAY too much time on my hands to drink way, way, WAY too much coffee. And then, I forgot to pack any of my 100 meals for work today so I am sitting here, distracted by shiny object syndrome, with a heartbeat that you can see and am moving very fast.

Image result for too much coffee meme

Image result for too much coffee meme

Image result for too much coffee meme

The bad news? I AM ALL OVER THE PLACE TODAY. Very unfocused. Well, I am very focused on being unfocused. Good times. Also hungry.

 

So, honestly, this is the best you’ll be getting from me today.

Hope your day is going a little better than mine !

 

 

Big Mistake

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YOU GUYS. I REALLY MESSED UP LAST NIGHT. But first, let me fill you in. For the last, say, five years, I have had really terrible insomnia. Incredibly bad. I cannot even begin to tell you how difficult it has been to function for the last few years on the little sleep that I have gotten. It has been so bad at times that there have been days where I have slept very little. I am talking maybe an hour or two a night. It is grueling. There is no other way to describe it. To work full time, be a mom, wife, and all the other roles I have crammed in there when I feel like the best I can do is manage to put pants on each day, it is hard.

Image result for insomnia memes

Image result for insomnia memes

I have spent years now trying to fix this issue. I have tried acupuncture, meditation, relaxation techniques, reading, writing, OMG EVERYTHING. I don’t use medication to force myself to sleep. That is a no go.

Image result for insomnia memes

 

Image result for insomnia memes

Fast forward to the last year or so. It has been moderately better. The typical pattern is I fall asleep early but then have middle of the night insomnia where I am awake from around 12-5. And you guessed it – I usually am tired enough that I can fall asleep for about 20 minutes before my alarm goes off. UM THIS IS FRUSTRATING. It has gotten better and now, if I wake up I can usually get back to sleep in about an hour. This takes incredible practice as I have to lay very still and cannot move much or open my eyes or else I completely wake up.

Which brings me to last night. It was cold. We had to go to cub scouts and we have it outside. And I was freezing. So you know what I did? I MADE US COFFEE. At 6pm. What was I thinking? WHAT? I’ll tell you what I was thinking. I was thinking how mad at myself I was ALL NIGHT WHILE I LAY THERE STARING AT THE CEILING while the huz dozed happily next to me. Not my finest moment.

So today, the struggle ensues. I work in a very weird environment that consists of utter silence. Look, I realize right this very moment you are like, whatever, Katie. It cannot be that quiet. DUDE. I KID YE NOT. I sit in a room with, hang on. Let me count… 21 people. I sit with that many people and I can hear the person across the room typing. It is like I am sitting in a vacuum. Truly bizarre. The weird thing is that no one talks to each other. So, as an extrovert…sitting by myself all day…in silence…is very difficult. Let’s just say it stretches my rubber bands. They are quite taut at this point.

Image result for silence meme

Image result for silence meme

My office has a few, shall I say, quirks. And one of them is that in addition to the silence, there is NO TALKING. There are cliques, of course, but mostly no one interacts with each other. In fact, the training method of the job is to “go on the server” and “read the guides.” So literally no one teaches you how to do your job. You have to read about it. Oh, you need help? GO TO THE GUIDES. Oh, you don’t understand? DID YOU READ THE GUIDES? WEIRD, RIGHT? Well, there is also a rather large group of very, very mean people. Which is kind of shocking. And it still catches me off guard. Alarmingly so, each day.

EXAMPLE:

This morning I needed to ask someone a question so I walked across the hall and he shares an office with someone who is HORRIBLE and in no way am I exaggerating. Like no redeemable qualities. She is very hard to work with and everyone is like, oh she is just difficult, and I am like, wait no that is unacceptable. So he wasn’t at his desk and I never know wtf is going on with people (see above comment: NO ONE TALKS TO YOU) and I was like, “excuse me”,  and she doesn’t even turn around and is like, WHAT? I was like, oh hey good morning, do you happen to know if XXX is in today?
Internal convo:
1. you share an effing office
2. it isn’t hard to not be such a bitch

And she was like, “I don’t know. I don’t know what his schedule is. I know he starts at 8:30 but other than that….It isn’t my job to keep track of him. I was like, oh ok. In my head I was like, BITCH YOU SIT 3 FEET AWAY FROM HIM DO YOU NOT TALK? ALSO WHY ARE YOU SO AWFUL????????

I am going to date myself for a minute here, but does anyone remember The Point of No Return with Bridget Fonda? Based on Le Femme Nikita? Anyone? Well, she was a druggie who was saved by a government agency and groomed to become an assassin. There is a part in the movie where she has etiquette training and it is such a great scene with Anne Bancroft where she says to say something off hand, and it doesn’t have to fit the situation. She says to say, “I never did mind about the little things.” LITERALLY ME EVERY DAY. Please watch it and you will see what it is like for me errrrrrryday. I politely smiled, thanked her and went back to my area. But I wanted to throat punch her. I just wanted to be like you horrible, mean little person go back from whence you came and keep protecting that bridge, you troll.
Look. Life is hard enough. It isn’t difficult to be nice to someone. It takes the same amount of time. HOW DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS SURVIVE??!!!

Pray for me today. As it will  be a great challenge to persevere through this exhaustion. The struggle is real.

Remember us?

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Well hello there, dear readers! It sure has been a while. There have been many, many changes in our lives and while most of you see our jaunty posts on the Facebooks, we have been slacking in the blogging department. It is our intention to bring this back and regale you with our humor. Although, Lauren thinks we think we are funnier than we actually are. I totally disagree.

Quick life updates: As you know, I moved to South Carolina where I am settling in with the family. Life is very different when it is 80 degrees in January. I do not hate driving over the bridge and seeing sailboats every morning. I do strive, however, to be one of the people floating on said sailboat during a random Wednesday, though. #goals. A few months ago, I was able to experience seeing one of my all time favorite bands again after 20 years and it was epic. Truly epic. Sometimes I get caught up in life and forget just what an impact music has had on my life. It was also pretty cool to feel 20 again. It is also interesting to note that some of my longest relationships with both friends and family members have drastically changed since I have moved away. Not meaning they weren’t strong when I lived minutes away. Just that, well actually, they have improved since I have left. It makes me sad that they weren’t like this when I lived closer, but I’ll take it. Lauren went ahead and crammed a ton of life changes into one year (and for someone who doesn’t like change AT ALL, the irony is not lost on me): getting married, getting pregnant, buying a house, moving into said house. I am sure we will see adventures from her perspective soon of these additions to her life. To be honest, the thing I miss most about the Land of Pleasant Living is being able to see her. Thank GOD for modern technology. I would be lost without her.

As most of us are still trying to recover from the event otherwise known as “THE HOLIDAYS,” and digging out from beneath the dried pine needles of the Christmas tree, life in my house has been filled with lazy days, great food and extended periods of time off (totally my fave). Most years, I don’t set a “resolution.” I usually do things like fashion goals: accessorize more. Wear more color. Utilize scarves. Well this year, I am doing a wellness resolution. Not so much the “I am going to join a gym and pay each month to not go” situation. More of a “be more focused on my actions and health.” I started this journey last year after I moved here and realized that I am, in fact, highly allergic to pretty much every tree and grass in the state. It has been a difficult year for breathing. Let’s just leave it at that. But…I have restructured the family’s diet and we have all  become way more involved in the kinds of foods we are eating as well as the making and the why of it all. It has been really fun and brought the house together. We are really following the 80/20 rule and it has worked. I am also taking part in challenge groups which encourage you to do things like, meditate, be grateful, do things for others, etc. I tend to get caught up in life and then before I know it, it has been six months. So, overall, it has helped me to slow down and focus on today. I am also trying to be a better friend. I mean, I think I do alright, but I am trying to stay more connected with the people most important to me. This includes having really lengthy group snaps that end up giving me life. I feel pretty lucky to have some cool folks to surround myself with. Y’all, I am not becoming a weird hippie. I SWEAR. I am just trying to be the best me.

Anyway, this leads me into my tale for you today. In the efforts to focus on wellness, I do a lot of meal prep. It has taken some adjustment on my end – both eating 1000 times a day as well as the planning pieces. I find this hilarious because I am not much of an eater YET my weight effs with me and is like, ‘sup, Chubster. (This is also being addressed with these changes) I bring like 500 different things to work each day to eat and I cannot wait until morning to prep it or let’s face it. It ain’t gonna happen. I tend to pretend I have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD in the morning and while I get up at 5 am every day and don’t have to be to work until 8, I am always rushing around last minute to GTFO of the house and attempt to be on time. “Attempt” is a key word here. At least I attempt. Anyhoo. This means I am usually running by the fridge and dumping my 500 meals into my Mary Poppins bag and off I go, running out of the front door trying to NOT spill my coffee. I am a bit like Dagwood Bumstead in the morning. Ok. All the time. For those of you who are too young to know who that is – Google it. Also, shush.

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Fast forward a few WEEKS and imagine me out running errands with my family. I want to remind you here that since the holidays, I have had ample time off of work…I stick my hand into my MP bag only to pull out my STICKY phone. And I think to myself, “that is weird.” Perhaps I had it set on the counter and water got on it or whatever. I got back into my purse for Round 2 to grab my wallet and NO. NO. NO. I stumble upon a juicy, sticky, leaky, BROWN banana buried beneath the receipts, the wallets, the cute bags, the inhaler, the EVERYTHING in my purse. Dudes. I totally forgot I had put that in there. Cue the horrified looks on my family’s faces when I pulled this thing out. AND we were in public. And there I am. Standing with what appears to be a large, drippy poop in my hands. It was something. Hooray for meal planning!

Well, there you go. That is how my life is right now. You guys forgot, didn’t you!? I have missed you all and look forward to all the great things 2017 will bring us.

Not to get political, as I know everyone has had lots of feelings since the elections, I wanted to share a blog post from my favorite blog It Just Gets Stranger. If you have time to binge read years of blog posts as you sit huddled in your cubicle all day, do it. You will not be disappointed and you will know why I have an incredible fake relationship with Eli. He doesn’t even know we are best friends. Although, there was one time I commented on his wall and he replied back and I spent the afternoon weeping with joy. This is great, and timely, and worth the read.

For your general amusement today:

Dads.

The best show in the world is coming back. Life will be good.

P.S. If you haven’t binge watched This Is Us yet. DO IT. It is such a great show. I have several ongoing support chats happening right now and can bring you into the fold. HURRY. THERE IS STILL TIME TO CATCH UP.

Undapants

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Being an adult is really weird. You know that moment when you are watching a movie or tv show and your Teen Beat crush from your youth is now playing the dad? (OMG did I just say “youth”?) I mean. WTF. Example: Marky Mark is the dad in Transformers – the dinosaur one.

Marky Mark in my head:

Marky Mark now:

WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN.

Which leads me to believe I’m getting older. Shhh. I know I am married and have a kid. But sometimes, I’m like  – I’m only 23. Then I stay up until 11 and am like, nope. I am not.

I digress.

I was an avid fan of TGIF when I was younger and I loved Boy Meets World. Seriously one of the best shows on television. EVER. My husband and still quote from it. If you don’t know who Feeny is…I feel sorry for you.

FEEENNYYY FEE HEE HEE HEEENAY    loved me some Boy meets world!!!!!! Tapanga's hair was ALWAYS the best!: FEEENNYYY FEE HEE HEE HEEENAY    loved me some Boy meets world!!!!!! Tapanga's hair was ALWAYS the best!

Well said | boy meets world: Well said | boy meets world

Plays with Squirrels Me Manifesto still gets me every time.

Admit you thought Eric was dumb until this happened.: Admit you thought Eric was dumb until this happened.

BMW was a great show for so many reasons. Lessons were learned. Friendships were made. Wholesome, good ol’ fashioned fun. I mean, this Topanga married her Cory.

Imagine my delight when I found out about Girl Meets World. And – this time – I would be able to share it with my kid.

We have recently started Netflixing it and watching it together. The first episode, I burst into tears. It was just so surreal to watch Cory and Topanga and their kids with my kid. Like seeing two old friends. Except now they were grown up, too.

To share something with my child that means so much to me is so powerful. Trying new foods. Watching him learn a new skill. Seeing a smile on his face. Singing songs and dancing around the kitchen. For the past few weeks, we have had time to connect on a new level. He is very close with his father. He was mine and mine alone for the nine months I carried him and when I finally had to share him, he bonded so tightly with his dad. Which, tbh, makes me so proud. I’m glad I have a partner that is such a wonderful parent. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I love it. But, for the past few weeks, he has been all mine again I get all the snuggles. I get the laughs. I get the fighting.

It has been super special for me to share life with him. I know he loves me. But It has been even better having him get to know me.

Boy Meets World: Boy Meets World

It is. It really is.

The Stuffs of Nightmares

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For a few years now my son has been begging us for a pet. We used to have two cats but they are now in heaven and he misses them terribly. When the cats died, I missed them very much but also I felt free. Totally free. Our cats were about 100 years old and we had had them since 1996. I mean, I loved every thing about them, but I no longer had to deal with the ins and outs of daily pet care. Which was great. Having a husband and a kid was enough for me. When I was pregnant, I took all of my house plants except 2 and dumped them out into the yard. It was just one more thing I had to take care of and I had my hands full.

Fast forward to about three years ago. Both cats had died. Our boy desperately wanted a dog. Guys – I don’t have any other way to tell you this…I don’t like dogs. I mean, sure, there are a few that I think are cute. In pictures. Far away from me. I love Lauren’s dog (honestly, she is the only one). But other than that, NOPE NOPE NOPE. So to have a kid that will tell every person walking a dog, “Hey, I like your dog,” and with tears in his eyes beg you for a pup – let’s just say it makes it hard to say no. But don’t worry. We persevered. Husband and I are a united front. And, factor in that we wanted to sell our house and that does not make it an ideal time to get a pet….you get one really sad little boy.

Well, we are now all settled in and he keeps asking for a kitty. Who he has already named….

Flashback to vacation….The husband took him to one of those kitschy, shitty tourist trap stores where they sell all the things and there they had hermit crabs. He, of course, wanted one immediately. We had to shut that down. First of all, no. Secondly, we were flying home and it was just not going to happen. The boy has a steel trap for a mind and never forgets ANYTHING. Seriously. He remembers things from when he was very young – so young that it is kind of freaky. So, until this past weekend, I successfully had delayed the pet talk. Now that we are settled, he was like, great – pet time! I was like, whoa whoa whoa. So, he asked if he could at least get a hermit crab. I reluctantly agreed. I read up a little on the little critters and we went off to the pet store. Guess who was not prepared for this? ME.

We purchased their little house and accouterments and two hermit crabs so they would keep each other company. They have been aptly named Hermie and Scorpio. And they are DISGUSTING. I hate them. They completely FREAK me out with their weird spindly little legs that fold up and they poke around. They shuffle around in their cage. And, my son is completely smitten. HE LOVES THEM. He loves to hold them. He loves taking care of them. On the ride home from the pet store he lovingly held them in his cute little baby hands and proudly stated that this was the best day of his entire life.

Each night while I read him books before bed, he holds them. I am 100% totally freaked out. They give me the willies. Creepy crawlies. My son laughs and laughs all while they hobble up and down his arms and hands. I can’t take it. Last night, I stood at the foot of his bed and read to him. Do these things hop? I bet they do. Husband thinks this is hilarious. That is until he comes home in a week and I make him take care of them with their weird little hermit crab pooper scooper. Fun fact – hermit crabs apparently poop. A lot. I did not know this. Now, I have scoop hermit crab poop and try not to scream in terror the entire time. And then I disinfect my entire house and child and take a Silkwood shower.

Image result for hermit crab

*insert me screaming as I put up this picture*

*What is going to happen to me if I get too close to them*

In other news…

Lauren got a new whip. This is her driving around town now:

I started watching Sense 8. Anyone else in on this? Discuss, please.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/kellyoakes/biologists-are-tweeting-photos-of-cute-animals-in-a-cuteoff

Talenti Gelato – Product Endorsement or gift from God?

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A few months ago, something happened. I was perusing the aisles of my beloved grocery store, Fresh Market, and stumbled upon something that would FOREVER change my life. It was as though angels started singing and the light of God shone upon me.

I found Talenti Gelato. I know that I usually have the reputation of exaggerating but I AM 100% SERIOUS WHEN I TELL YOU THIS: Talenti is the BEST ice cream I have ever had. My affinity with ice cream and it’s brethren began so early in my life that I can’t even tell you the story. Ice cream is just a part of me, man.

Back to that fateful day…Talenti has one million* flavors. Guys. They have banana chocolate chip. Banana. Dark. Chocolate. Chip. Were you sitting? I hope you didn’t fall down. I’m pretty sure that later that evening while I hid in the back of my closet eating said gelato, my life forever changed.

*probably not true but they should. Every flavor is GOLD.

Try them. You will NOT be disappointed. And Talenti, you are welcome. You don’t even have to pay me to spread the good word. It is just THAT good.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have a giant tub of salted caramel that I have to eat before my family notices it was even in the house.

A new pair of pants

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Hey there friends. Sorry about the radio silence for a bit. Thanks to my bestest best in the world for holding down the fort. I lurve yew, Lauren. The fam and I have been busy of late. Or, really, for the past year.

Have you ever had that moment where you sat back, looked at your husband, wife, whatever you have and had that realization that things just don’t fit any more? Well, husband and I had that moment last October after the kid had been in Kindergarten for about a month. It was almost like the life we had built fit like too tight pants. It just wasn’t working for us. Nope nope nope

Our kid was going to a school that was not a good fit. The area is tanking. THE TRAFFIC. Honestly, there were a million factors. Commence full adulting. Ugh. It is both the best and the worst.

So, we did it. We ripped the band aid off and left town like the Colts.

This process has taught me a lot about myself, my husband, our super awesome kid. But most of all, it taught me how much I hate packing and unpacking. And orchestrating moves. And how badly I wish I had genie.

Things are coming together. The house is dorbs. The hood is great. School is fab.

What lies ahead? No snow. Beaches. Family. Great food.

Don’t worry, I have PLENTY to share.