On Mustard

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I believe that a good mustard can change one’s meal. Yellow mustard is literally the worst. Yes, we all eat it at ballgames and at BBQs, because we have to, and occasionally on a soft pretzel, but no one is happy about this. We’re all dreaming of real mustard. Yellow mustard vs. mustard seed fanciness is like the different between drip and instant coffee; it’s acceptable while camping and in an emergency, but it’s not good.

Why “fancy mustard” as opposed to “fancy” versions of other condiments? Have you heard of “fancy ketchup”? No, because that’s called salsa.

Whether you are into spicy, honey, seedy, horseradish, or Grey Poupon mustard, we can all agree that yellow mustard is for the birds.

ninefingersmustardA few years ago, my older brother discovered a local treasure in the mountains of Montana – Nine Finger Mustard.

He has been buying it for us all for Christmas each year ever since, and gets himself a few bottles as well. They describe their product as “a sweet-hot, western-style, gourmet mustard.” Can we take a moment to admire their amazing use of commas in that phrase…..

If anyone’s interested in buying some, here’s the website!

Now, you might be thinking, ok, great for special occasions, but what about your daily mustard? Well, here is a good place to start: if it comes in a glass jar, you’re on the right track. (I’m not saying that none of the plastic squeezy bottled mustards are good – I am just saying read carefully). Now, unless it is of the spicy or honey variety, be sure you can see seeds. That will let you know it is a stone ground (or coarse ground) mustard and can really be trusted.

Now, this is my daily mustard of choice:

And it is so cheap and available at all grocery stores, so no excuses.

stone-ground-mustard-243x300And now a quick word on honey mustard. This can be confusing, as it can either be sweet or spicy / savory. Again, read carefully. Also, beware the salad dressing variety. Pedestrian. Ugh. Go all out on a honey mustard pretzel dip… nom nom….

Robert-Rothschild-Raspberry-Honey-Mustard-Pretzel-DipFor a full list of mustard varieties, see the Wikipedia page.

Best of luck to you in choosing your condiments wisely.

Awkward

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No one has ever accused me of being graceful. I am awkward. If there ‘s a way to fall, spill, or break something – I’m your girl.

This speaks the truth of my life – “15 Reasons You’re Not A Disney Princess

Exhibits A-Z

my “waterproof/smudgeproof” makeup smudges like it’s no one’s business

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Morning hair? Rats nest

You know that “sexy, flawless, didn’t even try” look? Nope. Me neither. It’s called sweatpants and coffee stains.

When I do bother to brush my hair, blow it dry, and TRY to wear it down for more than… 20 minutes, I immediately feel like I am in a sauna, I sweat from everywhere, my hair frizzes, and ponytail girl returns

That polite, interested face we all fake billions of times during the week? I have a hard time not giving you a WTF smirk. You can read my facial emotions like a book. I was throwing shade before that was a thing. Unintentionally.

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Most clothing on me is either SUPER TIGHT or might as well be a moo moo

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Katie: Well, I, too, suffer from severe awkwardness. For instance, today I was walking down the aisle in my second home – Safeway – and I had boots on. I felt so super sassy. Until my boots realized their grip,was non existent and I almost slipped and fell. Casual awk. Good thing there were people in the aisle with me! I almost pulled some random dude down. Sweet. Pretty sure people don’t confuse the words “effortless” or “sexy” with “Katie”. I stumble while standing still. It is an art.

Lauren and I laugh all day about our awkwardness. Frankly, she is the awk yin to my awk yang. She may have a face that is an open book but my mouth is what usually displays my ability to turn any situation into a weird one. I often speak off the cuff, don’t think before I speak, and don’t even realize I’m speaking aloud. I am glad that the husband and Lauren love me for it. As I get older, I’m actually ok with it and also appreciate that it gets weird sometimes. (All the time.)

Lauren…one word: PRODUCT

Why Are We Obsessed With St. Patrick’s Day?

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Oh, Ireland, and your stereotypical drinking. Oh, America, and your need to have any excuse to get dressed up, be slutty, and drink to excess.

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Here’s the thing – Saint Patrick, who lived during the 4th century, was born in England, was kidnapped as a kid and taken to Ireland. He escaped and went home, only to later return to Ireland as a Christian priest to convert the Irish pagans. He is the patron saint of Ireland, but he was British. He preached against Ireland’s Gaelic traditions… seems a tad off to me.

Why do we wear green? Because Saint Patrick used shamrocks, easily found in Ireland, to explain the Holy Trinity to the pagan Irish. Again… not the Gaelic roots we were all thinking. Leprechauns and such = pagan. SAINT Patrick was a Christian priest. Just saying.

(From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Patrick%27s_Day)

A brief history and fun facts

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Ok, so now for goofy St. Paddy’s Day fun. And shenanigans.

10 Supposedly Irish Things That Aren’t Remotely Irish
Lucky Charms
Um, no. Despite this cereal’s magically delicious leprechaun mascot and his over-the-top brogue, Lucky Charms is made by the giant Minneapolis-based food manufacturer General Mills and has nothing to do with Ireland or Irish culture. The traditional Irish breakfast has sausages, pudding, eggs, browned bread, and cooked tomatoes, not colored marshmallows.

Green Beer
The Irish don’t bother with this foolish malarkey. As one Irish ex-pat living in America explained it when being interrogated about real St. Patrick’s Day customs back home, “If you dyed beer green in Ireland, they’d punch you.” 

This is just creepy.

And now for some inappropriate limericks. 

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The Leprechaun News story – if you haven’t ever seen this, it is totally worth the watch!

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If you want to get rowdy, but in a themed way….  20 Tasty St. Patty’s Day Themed Drinks and Shooters

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And just for good measure:

Page corner with St. Patrick's Day green hat of a leprechaun

Easter Candy N Stuff

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Easter came in like a wrecking ball at 12:01am February 15. Which means all Valentine’s merchandise and candy was moved to the clearance rack and the chocolate bunnies, eggs, baskets, grass, and plastic eggs were featured once again.

There are some things I would like to discuss, though. Cadbury Cream Eggs. Can we just agree that one bite of one, per year, will put you over the top. DIABETUS!

I mean, I get that they are “good”, but I literally start running in circles and foaming at the mouth when I even smell them. Go away.

Some people are overly obsessed with this seasonal candy. Can we agree on this?

Now, what’s with the hollow chocolate bunnies? Why would you ever want hollow chocolate? I mean, you’re basically a cheapskate. You only got me a shell? Where’s the rest?

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Now let’s discuss the best thing ever… I wait for the arrival of Cadbury mini eggs all year! I could eat them by the bucketful. I don’t. But I could.

I share this love with a dear friend of mine (*cough, Sabrina), and last year she and I went through a Sam’s Club sized giant bag of them in the course of… too short a time.

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Why do we give and eat candy on Easter, you ask? End of Lent, we’ve been giving things up, in theory… nope, candy company and commercialism. As usual.

And now, some things for your entertainment.