The Dress Stress – Part Deux


Remember that our dear Lauren is getting married in May? Hooray! As you know, I’m in her wedding along with 45 of her friends. Just kidding. Only 7. She has opted to let us pick out our own dresses (with guidelines, of course). Super awesome, fellow bridesmaid folk, if you ask me. You know you have been in a wedding before and had to wear some ridiculous, hideous, over priced dress so this is a great option for everyone. And since I’m not blond, thin, perfect like the rest of her bridesmaids, a terrific perk for me. (Think “one of these things is not like the other” and that thing is me.)

Dress ideas have been floating around for a while. Remember this? Well, I have been searching high and low for a dress that fits the guidelines AND looks good on me. Quite the heady challenge, if you ask me. So, per the usual bridesmaid fanfare, emails are always sent out. GUYS. LAUREN TOTALLY CALLED ME OUT. I’m the last one to find a dress. AND SHE TOLD EVERYONE. Remember that loud screaming noise you heard about two weeks ago? That was me.

I made an appointment at a bridal salon (store? dress shop?) and mistakes were made. And it was weird. I have been obsessively looking at dresses online and perusing pretty much every store, etc to find what I was looking for. Guess what? Still hadn’t found it. I made the appointment and went. Let’s just say this was not a fun experience. I’d like to share. Surprise, surprise.

It was immediately weird. Right out of the gate. So, there is a SMALL chance that I may be high maintenance. Sometimes. But really, only on occasion. But when you are shopping for a bridal gown/bridesmaid dress, aren’t the people in the store supposed to help you?

Mistake 1. I found a shop that carried some of the dresses I had seen online and thought would look good on me. I showed up at my previously scheduled appointment time and was promptly told to look around. Alone. With no help. Ok. I did that. And I sent Lauren many, many snaps of hideous dresses to mess with her. I legit was in the bowels of this store unsupervised. Bowels.

Mistake 2. I was alone. Herlo. Not good. No one to talk to. No one to laugh with! And, you know how great my self esteem is! It is a really good combo for me. And, on that note, I clearly missed the day in school when someone taught you how to take a selfie in the mirror. I’m really bad at it and they all look MEGA unflattering. They all got sent to Lauren with a harumph. She suggested perhaps I start smiling. NIEN.

Mistake 3. You know, I should have been tipped off that this was a crack shack store when I was in the dressing room and the owner and the woman “helping” me started arguing. Loudly and about 3 feet outside of the dressing room. Talk about super uncomfortable. And weird. And dare I say, unprofessional.  I usually have the correct amount of decorum so I tried a dress on and walked right out of the dressing room, cleared my throat and was like, Hi There….

That only made it more weird. I left.

Ater speeding home, I found a dress online. It was on sale! Victory is mine. Except that I got it, opened the box and pulled it out, took one look at it and left the room to hide from it because nope nope nope. It was sent back the very next day. Boo hiss.

So, after breaking out into a cold sweat, I found the PERFECT dress. It is from a store that I trust. A store where 83.9% of the time their stuff looks pretty ok on me. Guys. I ordered it. It will be here in a few weeks. If we were ever friends, you will cross your fingers and hope this looks good on me and I don’t look like a huge derp.

Don’t worry. I’ll keep you posted.

PS – Did you read Lauren’s Shy/Awk post? I just wanted to add that it not only took a year for us to become friends but I also had to do an interpretive dance with a ribbon. I can’t remember the exact song I danced to but I think it was Bon Jovi. She is a tough nut to crack, that one.


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