K+L Convo

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So this randomness happened today ….

Lauren: Just watched the last 45 min of Cast Away at the gym. Emotionally draining start to the day

Katie: I like you so much.  WIIIILLLLSSOOOOOONNNNN

 

K: I’m getting a pedicure

I have a gyno appointment tomorrow. And my feet look so bad. And I figured if I’m having my vag in someone’s face my feet will be nearby and they are bad

Come get a pedicure.  I’m tired but still fun

L: you are always fun

and i think the sheer volume of meat i just ingested is going to prevent me from going anywhere for a while

and yet, i still wish i had chocolate.  i have an addiction

K: That line: sheer volume of meat I just ingested” has to be my QOTD

I love it. It should just become a daily motto

Every day is meat day

L: MEAT DAYYYYYY – to the tune of hump day

K: And the meat shits?

It’s a meat parrrrty

L: hopefully not

 

K: I’m getting the cheese grater right now.

This little China doll is going to be buried beneath my foot chips

L: ew – foot chips

K: Omg. Horrible visual

L: is she judging you?

K: She will be

 

L: #firstworldproblems – my food truck lunch is in a Styrofoam container and i fork stabbed too hard and now juice is spilling on my desk

K: I get your struggle. How is it that Styrofoam lasts for 1,000,000,000 years but isn’t stronger

L: and if it is that bad for the enviro, why do we still make it – don’t make me preach

K: I am shocked you would purchase Styrofoam

L: there wasn’t a choice

K: I’m judging you

L: it’s not like paper or plastic, its here, take this food you already paid for

K: I’m really not

Just fyi

L: omg, i have the guilt

K: I literally do not ever judge you

You know what I think

You and I have guilt about very different things that the other does not. So we kind of balance out the world

L: i have guilt about the enviro and eating too much meat

you?

K: Pretty much everything else but that

L: wow

 

L: note to self – when eating authentic greek food, assume that the olives are not pitted… lest you crack yo teef

K: That is a must

Teef

That made me laugh

L: G and I had an impromptu Big Lebowski / white russian night

K: I love that

L: totally busted out the kahlua

white russians, woot qoot

and for some reason we had 3 varieties…. hazelnut, peppermint, and pumpkin

like a flight of kahlua

K: Oh kahlua

We have such a sordid history

L: for you: http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliapugachevsky/perfect-gifts-for-people-who-love-to-swear?bftw&utm_term=4ldqpg3#.uyLlEq0Xl

K: I loved this

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Brr, It’s Cold In Here

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Yes, it’s winter, yes, winter is cold.  But recently, it has not just been “cold, ” it has been hells no cold.  As in, Get up and go to the gym  Hells no!  Go out and socialize with people?  Hells no! Spend more than to 2 minutes it takes to get to and from your car outside?  Hells no!  I am all about winter hikes, but really, if it is under 35 degrees, I’m opting out.  And we are in the teens. Bring on hibernation.

Weather men be like:

Luckily, I can work from home in the snow.  I feel for these people:

work

Choosing to go and and socialize?  Rare.

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Stay warm, my friends.

The Dress Stress – Part Deux

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Remember that our dear Lauren is getting married in May? Hooray! As you know, I’m in her wedding along with 45 of her friends. Just kidding. Only 7. She has opted to let us pick out our own dresses (with guidelines, of course). Super awesome, fellow bridesmaid folk, if you ask me. You know you have been in a wedding before and had to wear some ridiculous, hideous, over priced dress so this is a great option for everyone. And since I’m not blond, thin, perfect like the rest of her bridesmaids, a terrific perk for me. (Think “one of these things is not like the other” and that thing is me.)

Dress ideas have been floating around for a while. Remember this? Well, I have been searching high and low for a dress that fits the guidelines AND looks good on me. Quite the heady challenge, if you ask me. So, per the usual bridesmaid fanfare, emails are always sent out. GUYS. LAUREN TOTALLY CALLED ME OUT. I’m the last one to find a dress. AND SHE TOLD EVERYONE. Remember that loud screaming noise you heard about two weeks ago? That was me.

I made an appointment at a bridal salon (store? dress shop?) and mistakes were made. And it was weird. I have been obsessively looking at dresses online and perusing pretty much every store, etc to find what I was looking for. Guess what? Still hadn’t found it. I made the appointment and went. Let’s just say this was not a fun experience. I’d like to share. Surprise, surprise.

It was immediately weird. Right out of the gate. So, there is a SMALL chance that I may be high maintenance. Sometimes. But really, only on occasion. But when you are shopping for a bridal gown/bridesmaid dress, aren’t the people in the store supposed to help you?

Mistake 1. I found a shop that carried some of the dresses I had seen online and thought would look good on me. I showed up at my previously scheduled appointment time and was promptly told to look around. Alone. With no help. Ok. I did that. And I sent Lauren many, many snaps of hideous dresses to mess with her. I legit was in the bowels of this store unsupervised. Bowels.

Mistake 2. I was alone. Herlo. Not good. No one to talk to. No one to laugh with! And, you know how great my self esteem is! It is a really good combo for me. And, on that note, I clearly missed the day in school when someone taught you how to take a selfie in the mirror. I’m really bad at it and they all look MEGA unflattering. They all got sent to Lauren with a harumph. She suggested perhaps I start smiling. NIEN.

Mistake 3. You know, I should have been tipped off that this was a crack shack store when I was in the dressing room and the owner and the woman “helping” me started arguing. Loudly and about 3 feet outside of the dressing room. Talk about super uncomfortable. And weird. And dare I say, unprofessional.  I usually have the correct amount of decorum so I tried a dress on and walked right out of the dressing room, cleared my throat and was like, Hi There….

That only made it more weird. I left.

Ater speeding home, I found a dress online. It was on sale! Victory is mine. Except that I got it, opened the box and pulled it out, took one look at it and left the room to hide from it because nope nope nope. It was sent back the very next day. Boo hiss.

So, after breaking out into a cold sweat, I found the PERFECT dress. It is from a store that I trust. A store where 83.9% of the time their stuff looks pretty ok on me. Guys. I ordered it. It will be here in a few weeks. If we were ever friends, you will cross your fingers and hope this looks good on me and I don’t look like a huge derp.

Don’t worry. I’ll keep you posted.

PS – Did you read Lauren’s Shy/Awk post? I just wanted to add that it not only took a year for us to become friends but I also had to do an interpretive dance with a ribbon. I can’t remember the exact song I danced to but I think it was Bon Jovi. She is a tough nut to crack, that one.

Getting to the root of the problem

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I know this is going to be a shock to you but….sometimes I’m a total mess. Whoa, right? Lauren will tell you that she is the mess but I am, too. I just hide mine beneath products. PRODUCTS, LAUREN. Lots and lots of potions and lotions and such.

This is an ongoing battle between us. I probably use more products in one day than Lauren does in 5 years. Oh, your curly mermaid hair got frizzy on a hot, Baltimore day. WOMAN. They gots stuff for that. Eyeliner smudgy? Oh, I can totally help you with that.

So imagine my horror when this happened yesterday:

Wednesdays are usually my Coffee Klatsch, when I have coffee in the morning with my buddy and sometimes it also becomes lunch with my buddy. We spend the morning chatting, drinking Columbia’s finest and laughing. A lot. It is wonderful. It may also surprise you that I am mostly running late all the time. I spend so much time getting the husband and boy together that I forget about myself. Add in the products and my fear of someone seeing me without my make up and…

So, in my rush to be on time, I quickly showered and was blow drying my hair when I flipped my head over and went to brush my hair and I had the mother of all knots. Look. I hear you. I know you are shaking your head and thinking – no way, Katie. Yes. Way. I have no idea how it even happened. How is this even a thing?!?! I’m a grown up. I use fancy dancy products that cost way too much. But, alas, there it was. Perched. on the side of my head. Nay, nestled. It was MAMMOTH. So, I did what any self respecting person would do. I sent Lauren a snap of it and we had a good laugh. But this knot was not budging. No sir. Nothing was helping my situation. And then, I had to do it. I had to remove the knot from my head. An urgent text was sent to my friend and hairstylist: When you do my hair and wonder WTF happened, I had a BAD knot and had to extract it. Remember this when I can’t tell you what happened. I could hear her shaking her fist at me from here.

At least this ended up better than the time I got my round brush stuck in my hair.

Some funnies for you:

My Saturday mornings still aren’t the same without SBTB. Lisa Turtle FOREVER

Feeling awfully nostalgic today. *GET OFF MY LAWN*

Pretty much sums up my athletic ability:

Funny Pictures Of The Day – 69 Pics

Also my artistic ability…

Yep

#goals

Stay tuned for tomorrow’s installment of Bridesmaid Dress Shopping….

Shy / Awkward

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I am shy. I know what you’re thinking – I call BS! But no, I am. Maybe not on paper, or in one-on-ones, but in larger groups, I prefer to be invisible.

I don’t know exactly when that happened, but some time in high school or college, I stopped raising my hand or volunteering my thoughts in large group settings. If I was called on, I would blush and turn bright red as I answered. In meetings, I may have opinions, I may have insight, but it is hard for me to jump in.

Awkward

In all of my career annual reviews, I have been told that I am smart and capable and they wished I contributed more in groups, the way I do in one-on-one conversations.

The idea makes me sweat and blush and feel super awkward and want to hide in my cubicle. I know I know, the only why to get better at something is to force yourself to try. “Fake it ’til you make it,” as my stepfather would say (over and over).

But no joke…. I am awkward.

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I think this is apparently in how long it takes me to let loose and become deeper friends with new people. Just ask Katie. It takes me a long time to let someone in. But once they’re there, they’re in for a treat!