De plane! De plane!

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Hey there! I’ve been a little MIA for a few days because I had a wee bit of traveling to do and also, I’ve been struck down with the sickness.

Guess what guys? I LOVE TO FLY. If I were a superhero and had a super power, it would totally be flying. Any animal – Yup. A bird. I’d be so good at flying. Also, less angry because I would not have to deal with Maryland drivers. A gal can dream, right?

Over the past few years I have take at least two trips a year that involved flying. Husband does not like the flying. I am not sure what his issue is. Whenever I take long flights (six hours or more), he always shakes his head and asks me what in the world I will do during that time. Um. HELLO!!?? This totally falls under the category of “me time.” “Me time” also includes waiting in the long lines at the grocery store, pharmacy line, getting my hair done, circling the lot at any parking lot looking for a spot or any time I am alone. I know some people get pissed when they have to wait but after being married, having a kid, working, and doing all the other grown up things that I don’t always feel like doing, I’m not by myself very much any more. The good old days of curling up in bed alone and taking an awesome nap? Still happens on occasion but it is never alone. For a few years there, I can’t even remember a time when I was alone in our house. Just this morning, husband and I were laughing while discussing the last time we even went to the bathroom alone. So, to answer husband’s question of what the hell will I do during a flight? NOTHING. NOTHING. NOTHING. I don’t have to talk to anyone. I don’t have to cook for anyone. I don’t have to clean. I don’t have to think. I don’t have to do ONE. SINGLE. THING. And it is awesome. I charge up the good ol’ Kindle, the iPod and I’m ready to go.

Please tell me if you can think of one thing more awesome in this world than sitting inside a tube at 10,000 feet and hurtling towards the clouds and fifty gagillion miles an hour. You can’t. I always sit over the wing (so I can check to make sure there isn’t anyone on it…jk) so I can see that as well as the ground. Usually take off is my favorite part of the ride, and in my head, I am usually fist pumping and wanting to high 5 everyone around me. I also contemplate asking the person next to me if they want to hold hands. I wouldn’t put it past me one day to finally ask in the hopes that it wouldn’t be too creepy. I mean, I know it is creepy but just to share the freaking awesomeness of speeding down the runway! KREFKSdjf;lkajf;lkdsjglkshkjfdshgs;lkfd I also really find it funny when the plane taxis around on the runway like it is an enormous car.

I rue the days that those assholes ruined flying for everyone on so many levels. I’m cool taking my shoes off and whatever, but I miss the days of seeing the cockpit and the pilots and hate the repeated warnings about standing in lines waiting for the bathroom. You shouldn’t have to be scared to do this or suspicious about everyone else on the plane. Ugh. Dicks.

Anyhoo. Last week I took a brief trip and had the most wonderful of flights. The people were cool. I met a nice guy who travels a lot and flies small planes around the country for investors and such. Seemed like it would be interesting. The planes weren’t crowded and I didn’t have to share a seat with anyone. It was great. And, I read. And I sat. And I thought. And, well, I didn’t have to do anything but cheer on how fast we were going and feel how every once in a while it is so great to have someone else take over for a minute.

That was my view from last week. I looked out the window and was like “Oh hey there, other plane!”

The next time you are on a plane, seriously, settle down. They are awesome. They take you to fun places, to see people you love, or to better weather!! Stop getting so jittery. Hold hands with your neighbors ( I swear I won’t make it weird). High 5 the guy across the aisle. Sit back. Stop thinking about work, bills, weather, or anything. Read a damn book. Look at all the weird stuff in the Sky Mall. You know you want the backyard yeti. Look out the window and look at where we live. It’s pretty freaking awesome.

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To Twitter or Not To Twitter

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I think we can all agree Twitter is ridiculous and only works for companies.  #amiright

The hashtag as a searchable item is helpful. Sort of.  But really….

I have been on Twitter for January, 2009. I only know that because they put it on my profile. I do not tweet my feelings or pics of my lunch. I mostly retweet things that I think are worthy – either funny, or noteworthy in some way. I enjoy having the feed up so I see any important news or hilarity.

I recently noticed that I passed the 2,000 tweets mark. I have tweeted over 2,000 times in the past nearly 5 years. That’s an average of over once a day. #Gross.  But if you want some additional humor in your life and you want to follow me, I won’t stop you.  @lfdavis

In the immortal words of my former boss and forever friend Beth Smith, “How do I twitter?  What is all this twittering about?”

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‘Tis the Season of Desserts!

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As I plan my seasonal desserts to bring to various events, holidays, and birthdays, I am struck by the ridiculous, funny, disgusting, and offensive ones out there.

Below is a cross-section:

Nerdy and would take way tooling:
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Not appetizing at allllllll….  kitty litter cake:
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Gross:
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Really?  A Brain and Heart cake?
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Aww, Chewbacca!
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Mammo-Grahams…  bwahahahahahaa
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Do you wanna build a snowman?
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Taco Cookies….  mmmmm…..  nope!
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When It Rains, It Pours

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No it is not really raining. But I have had… a morning. My friend, Tonya, says I need a do-over.

It is not yet 9:30am, and I have discovered a questionable stain on my sweater, dripped melted butter on myself, and broken a school website (took 15 minutes for a coworker to fix).

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Happy Hump Day. Hope yours is more successful and stain-free than mine.

Christmas Stepping on Thanksgiving’s Toes

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We all know how, every year, it feels like Christmas songs and decorations are encroaching earlier and earlier. It’s August 1, and Walmart has FREE HOLIDAY LAYAWAY commercials on TV. And yes, that is Walmart, and Walmart is soulless. But this is happening across the board.

Before Halloween is over, I started to see holiday decorations in stores and popup ads online. First thing Saturday morning, November 1, all Halloween and autumn items are exiled to the 50% Off Clearance racks, and Christmas is in full swing. Garlands, carols, lights, rotating singing snowmen. It’s all here and out and READY!

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Now, I love Christmas and the Holiday season as much as anyone (well, not as much as Sabrina, but who could?). But what happened to fall? Autumn? THANKSGIVING? And worst of all, our commercialism has turned our relaxing family time holiday into BLACK FRIDAY SHOPPING-PALOOZA! Now starting at 8pm Thanksgiving Night! UGH!!! People completely forget being grateful and go full swing into trampling, punching to get that last toy, sleeping outside in line to be the first ones inside…

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As a kid, Thanksgiving was just another giant family dinner, sitting at the cousin table, playing games and getting yelled at not to run in the house…. Giant family dinners? My family used to roll like that every few weeks for monthly family birthday parties. Maybe more autumn-themed food, but I didn’t look forward to Thanksgiving the way all kids pine for Christmas. It was fine. It was dinner at Grandmom’s and Grandpop’s. Being grateful? Yeah, I grew up going around the table, saying what we were grateful for that day every night.

But now, as an adult, I find that Thanksgiving is just as meaningful as Christmas, and much calmer, less stressful, and more affordable!

For my family, holidays = family. And while both Thanksgiving and Christmas are food-filled, family-designated days, I have found that I have more time to sit back and enjoy my family on Thanksgiving. There are no distractions of shuffling gifts – did you get this, I left this in the car, is that your size, do you already have that – I am not running off to 4 other family gatherings (yes people, 4), and I can just enjoy the people I am with, catch up, enjoy food and wine, reminisce, and share stories of lost loved ones.

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I am no longer focused on gifts, who got me what, did I get what I asked for, how many thank you cards do I need to write (and yes, Mom, I always write thank you cards). Now, I am on Pinterest thinking of food I can bring to gatherings, how I can participate, looking forward to seeing cousins who have grown up and moved away, or are off at college, out of towners, and new significant others.

I would ask everyone to give Thanksgiving its due time, for it is a peaceful day of remembrance of our blessings and our families. Don’t rush past it. (I am not saying you cannot start shopping for Christmas until after Thanksgiving, just don’t go free fall into tinsel quite yet).

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On that note, enjoy this humorous link. Adult Content Warning 🙂

Reasons Why Thanksgiving Is the Most Underrated Holiday

I’m Calling It

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I’m calling it, friends. I’m calling bullshit on Lauren. As you all read from her last post, she suggests that she is not fancy and not a hostess. LIES. Total LIES.

G’s birthday was on Halloween, and Lauren had us all over for a fancy schmancy dinner party. Hello…this is from the girl that thinks it is risky to wear white. Let me give you a little back story…

A few years ago, we became friends with KN. KN is younger than us. She invited us over to her place and when we all walked in both of us were like, OMG KN IS SO FANCY. I consider myself pseudo-fancy. Kind of grown up-ish. I have platters. I throw parties. I have cheese spreaders. And ewers. But KN? Whoa. It was seriously impressive. And we were there informally. Fast forward to the birth of Pinterest. The three of us have a shared page of funny things called, Funny Things. We are super creative. This shared page offered countless hours (still does) of laughter, inappropriate behavior and hilarity. And, the “Nailed it” pins are always some of our favorites.

So, when Lauren wanted to do a dinner for G in their new place for his birthday, A-Pinteresting she went. We spent a lot of time discussing things, talking about menu items, drinks, decorations etc. She was totally into it.

I showed up to her house early to help out a little (read: have some wine and laugh). I COULDN’T believe what I was seeing. There were table cloths. Handmade center pieces. Pillar candles. PILLAR CANDLES, PEOPLE.She made little crafty appetizers. She candied nuts. All week long she was sending me texts of things she had made. It was messing with my mind. It was all stunning. The food? Delicious. The wine? Tasty. The ambiance? Magical.

Guys, our Lauren is crafty.  And a liar. She made all of this with her own two hands. It was great. Oh, and Happy Birthday G!

Pinterest … Nailed It!

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I am not crafty. I don’t make things from supplies. Craft stores scare me.

I cannot really cook. I mean, I can follow a recipe, but only if I have heard of all of the ingredients and cooking techniques. I don’t own any fancy food processing equipment, choppers, mixers, etc.

You know those funny images of what recipes or crafts are supposed to look like, and then the user fails, “Nailed It!”

That’s me.

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So, when I decided to throw George a Halloween Birthday Party… I hit up Pinterest, Katie, and my mom for ideas.

Somehow, I think it turned out ok! Here’s what I made!

Place Settings – baby white pumpkins

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Jack O Lantern Balloons!

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Centerpiece

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Pretzel, hershey kiss, candy corn bites

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Slow Cooker Pot Roast (its time I have ever used a slow cooker….)

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I set a table.  A whole table!

PART_1414976996092_1102141754b PART_1414976987588_1102141754cI also made baked mac n cheese, two salads, and candied walnuts!  

I usually don’t have the time or patience, but it was fun to clean up, dress up my place, decorate, and spoil the G!

Feel free to share your horror stories and successes!