Brittle Cell Phone Rant


 Cell Phones – Why You Gotta Be So Damn Breakable?

We ALL have cell phones now. Toddlers know how to use iPads, grandmas knows how to text (though they’re always hilarious, #loveyouautocorrect), teens don’t speak or interact in person, they just count Likes on Instagram, their stats on SnapChat, and their prof pic Likes on FB.


No, this isn’t a rant about the loss of the skill of interpersonal communication; I am guilty of all of these things, as well. This is a rant called: WHY WOULD TINY MACHINES WE ALL USE DAY IN AND DAY OUT BE SO FRICKING FRAGILE AND BREAK ALL THE TIME, AND YET STAY SO EXPENSIVE AND HARD TO REPLACE????


If that was too many caps for you, and you stopped reading, which is what I do when people type too much in caps – it hurts us – that was: cell phones break too easily.

Now, many of you know that I am not – how you say – graceful. I bump into walls, walk into tables, drop things, spill food/bevs on myself like-it’s-my-job. In fact, people often remark, when I wear white, ooh, that’s ambitious. You can imagine the upcoming wedding dress jokes/anxiety. Red wine? Pasta sauce? Yup, they all look good one me. My chest is like a shelf for coffee drips. #bustygirlproblems


So here’s the thing, why aren’t cell phones like hard as rock and light as a feather, and water proof, and microwave proof, and anything else we could do to them? Don’t tell me that’s unrealistic. We all know they have the technology and they’re just not doing it so that we need to buy more phones and not keep the same unbreakable one forever (yes, I watched the series finale to True Blood recently, and I’m all in).

Just for good measure:


How many of us have dropped a phone in a toilet? (I’m looking at you, Dad!) How many of us have forgotten our phones were in our pockets when we jumped into or got pushed into a pool? Yes, they have water proof phones now, I know, but it took like 15 years….

I recently switched from Sprint to T-Mobile. I don’t have any particular cell provider allegiance as I think they all suck in their own ways and have bad service in some areas and over charge you for this or that. But George and I started a Family Plan so it is cheaper for us. Great, done and done, but I had to get a new phone. Ugh, but fine. Want insurance on your phone so that if anything happens to it, breaks, it will be replaced, extra couple $$ a month? Yes, of course.

FALSE! If I break it, it’s not covered. If something MALFUNCTIONS they’ll replace it. How unhelpful is that!?! I am the one who is going to break it! I am the one who hasn’t bought a new case for it yet cuz I was waiting for my Amazon order to hit $50 to get free shipping.

This is bogus, you say? I CONCUR. Fury. Shaking fists.

Story: Bella and I walked down to the Qdoba for a lovely lunch over the weekend. I am in the CLIMAX of my 3-book audiobook series and I am obsessed. Listening / reading / walking, enjoying a naked burrito. Bella was chilling on the ground, spilling the water I got for her. She came over to say hi, as she does, and her head caught the headphones chord, knocked phone to ground, screen cracked, but only slightly. No big deal, right?   FALSE! Touch screen tech does NOT work with a crack on the screen. It gets all sorts of confused. Certain areas of the screen don’t respond.

Ok, I thought, no big deal, this is why I pay for the insurance. Went to the mall, waited 45 minutes for them to open (it was early on a Saturday), finally got in, and the woman was like, oh no, if there is physical damage your insurance doesn’t replace your phone, there’s a $200 deductible!!!!! WTF!?!?!?! Makes me miss the days of free flip phones you got with your plan. Or you could spend $30 for the upgraded version. You know, with texting.


Anger. Frustration. Annoyance at the racket that is the cell phone business.


How do I fight back? How do I “damn the man”? I don’t. I need a phone. I need consistent access.

Shut up and take it.

And shake fists.


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