The Freakness of Preakness

Standard

Preakness is this weekend. And for those of you who live under a rock, that is the second of three big horse races each year. If the same horse wins all three, it’s the triple crown. Doesn’t happen much.

Concerned that it rained today and that it may affect your bets? Cosmo Kramer here to help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9L3KU5eiEBo

Here is the thing about Preakness… I don’t care. Born and raised in Maryland, home of Pimlico and the Preakness. I have been to Pimlico exactly once and it was for an all-day music festival about 8 years ago. No, that’s not true, I have been a few times for wine festivals too.

Horse races = Nascar for rich, white people. (“What, am I wrong?”… “No, Walter, you’re not wrong, you’re just an ass hole!”)

Watching animals race in a circle does not thrill me. Giant hilarious hats, sure, but I can see pics of those online without the hassle. (I sounds like an old grumpy man, right? … “Get off my lawn!”)

Image

And there’s the Infield Fest. Because when I hear horse race, I think, what does that need… band performances!   It is quite the shit show.   My brother and his friends went every year and made a mess of themselves. Some of my friends went a few times. Receiving texts about being sunburnt and drunk at 10am does not encourage me to attend this mass debauchery.

KEGASUS

Image

Don’t get me wrong, close quarters with drunk people, sweaty, muddy, long days, getting sunburnt, or oily with sunscreen, sweat, and whatever beer has been spilled on me…. It all sounds great …. Right? I think the story that really got me was that of drunk guys running along the top of the port-o-potties line, while people threw FULL beer cans at them. CONCUSSED!

 Image

The culture of horse racing is lost on me. The giant hats are funny, but are impractical and obnoxious if you are behind one, or short (which I am).  

 Image  ImageImage  Image

I also feel like horses are huge. When they fall…. TIIIIIIMMMMBBEERRRRRRR! I have heard more horror stories about horse-related injuries, whether from being thrown off, getting kicked in the head, bitten, etc.! Eeek! No thanks. I will ride a horse, but slowly. A trot is sufficient for me.

Anyway …. Have fun if you’re going. Wear sunscreen. Bring disinfectant. Hydrate. Enjoy.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s