After much discussion with Lauren, today’s musing is about things that scare me. As you have (most likely) gleaned from past posts, I have many fears – both rational and irrational. What luck – I’m going to share a few with you. Lauren knows most of these and will pipe in some thoughts, I’m sure.
(L: you’re welcome for the pics…)
1 – The ocean. There is nothing scarier than the ocean. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy a snorkel or swim. I’m just saying we have no idea what really is in there. It’s vast. It’s deep. Scary shit lives in there. I’m also convinced there are still dinosaurs among us. You don’t know. There is no way in hell that I would be caught near the Mariana trench. Still. No.
L: If the water is super clear and I can see what lies beneath, I am ok with it… when it’s murky or too deep to see…. There’s clearly a grindylow read to pull me down…
2 – Pterodactyls. While at lunch today, we had a discussion about a hawk here on campus, which of course led me to think about pterodactyls. I realize they are not alive (unless, of course, they adapted to sea life and are currently swimming about in the depths. Again. You don’t know. This could be happening.). Can you imagine if they were still alive today and circling above? There are some that had a wingspan of 40 feet. Nope nope nope nope.
L: I want to ride one. Like a dragon.
3 – The Old Spice commercials. Ok. The commercials with the moms following around their sons is so creepy. I cannot stand them. I just think they are weird and so gross.
4 – When Pope Benedict stepped down and we didn’t have a Pope for a while. This may not seem like something that would cause fear, but it really did. Let me preface this conversation by saying I am not Catholic. I attended a Catholic college and enjoy many facets of the religion, including the ceremonies and certain beliefs. I am this close to sending my kid to a Catholic school. During the weeks after Pope John Paul II’s death, I waited (along with other Catholics and the world) to see who would be named his successor. When Benedict stepped down and another Pope had not yet been named, I felt an intense sense of uneasiness. It didn’t seem right. It made me feel end of the world-ish. I cannot explain in any other way than that.
L: Benedict. I want some eggs. And asparagus. And bacon.
1 – Spiders. This real fear has gotten much worse since I had a child. Pre-child, I could kill them with ease. Now, not so much. Except those tiny little wee spiders that hang out in the corners. Those, I’m ok with.
L: My mother, in her infinite wisdom, allowed my brother and I to rent Arachnophobia from Blockbuster many times as children. This was a mistake. I can no longer sleep in a house if I know there is a spider present. Let me just say that even watching the Trailer to make sure it was the right link gave me heart palpitations and the sweats. Thanks mom.
2 – Cartoon porn. This is pretty self-explanatory. I think the melding of these two genres is disturbing on so many levels. Especially since we regularly watch cartoons in our house. Don’t even get me started on hentai (NSFW – don’t google unless you are prepared to be horrified). Also, it is most important you don’t ask me how I know about this.
L: Thank you for not linking this one. We may have been shut down.
3 – Personified food. If you haven’t noticed, I enjoy food. A lot. It is delicious. Social. Fun. I’m not a vegetarian, but I do think of my meats as something that grows and just happens. Like a tuber, if you will. I don’t want to know about slaughterhouses. I don’t want to talk about pink goo (Lauren). I just want to enjoy my steak. What I certainly don’t like is when food is personified. I have to say, when I drive down York Road and see the Ocean Pride crab with that little jaunty chef’s hat…shudder. I don’t want a face on my sausage and little legs with shoes. Nor do I want my Oreo to have arms, legs and a smile. I think I was most recently upset with the Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal where they are floating around in the bowl with their little faces and they eat each other. Side note – CTC is so good I could eat the entire box in one sitting. Now you understand why I don’t buy them anymore.
4 – Something terrible happening with my clothes in public. What? What could I possibly mean by this, you ask? Ever seen that episode of Friends where Ross is wearing the leather pants? That. Or falling down the steps here at work while wearing a skirt. Or my pants ripping. I’m not the most graceful bird. This is actually so real that I’m shaking.
There. Now you know. You can share in my pain with me. Hugs!
A few weeks ago, Lauren and I had a debate about dogs. She often shares stories about her adorable dog, Bella. (I actually have met and do like Bella.) Lauren tells me stories about her pup and sometimes, she does not sell me on the positive sides of owning a dog. After seeing this, I’m literally so tempted right now to go get a pup. It is so, so cute that it hurts.
L: Pic of Bella, for your cuteness overload.
Challenge for you today: Use v. “to quell” in a sentence. I was able to do that once, but the second time Lauren made me laugh.