Getting What You Want At Starbucks vs Not Being A Douche

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L: so, when going to Starbuck’s…  or a similar yuppie, nay wonderful, establishment it is important to walk the tightrope of ordering what you want and not being too douchey

K: I love the use of the word nay.

L: now, when you go to Starbucks, you have to make an important decision.  Do I use their lingo or do I say eff thaa, I order how I want, and worry that they may not get it right

small = tall
medium = grande
large = venti

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K: I think no matter what if you use those stupid bullshitty made up Starbucks words, you are going to look like a douche

L: all mean large in different languages

K: I refuse to use their words.  Now, if I was in Italy or France, sure. I’d use different lingo. But using their lingo just to do it – nope

L: now, as one who is not allowed to have caffeine, I always ask, just to be sure, and sometimes they have to remake…  sorry…  but if I am paying $4.50 for a 16-oz drink, it needs to be right.  and why do we always get suckered into getting food there?  it is all super processed and has been shipped from across the country. and tastes like cardboard

K: It’s because of the damn cheese. We always get suckered in by the cheese.

L: the lingo…  you know, i prefer a blend of my words and theirs

L: i’m not going to order a venti skinny no foam latte, but a venti decaf skim latte, did you want foam, oh no thanks

K: I have to tell you when I’m people watching (the bucks is the place to do that if a beach is not nearby) you can really tell a lot about a person.

K: Person that orders a large coffee – leave room for cream? We are immediately on the same page.

L: i always wonder about that girl with the yoga pants on and the big hair who orders her daily Frappuccino

K: Exactly. That girl that order the soy non fat BS with extra whip – no thank you. You just negated the non fat part. It doesn’t cancel out.

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L: starbucks coffee is so dark, if you dont add milk you have to spoon it up

K: Sludge, if you will

L: i do love me some sludge.  ok, so what is our decision?  to douche it up or not to douche it up?  i mean, starbucks is for suckers.  i acknowledge that  but i love it.  and all other coffee tastes watery and pedestrian to me

K: And just stop it with the soy. Adding extra estrogen into your body is not a good thing. Also it tastes like shit.

L: if you are lactose intolerant, than get drip coffee, not a latte, your body wasnt made for milk.  literally.

K: Hey, some people want to feel like crap all day.

K: Willing to sacrifice the gut for a good cuppa

L: which is why i sometimes eat fiber one bars.  i think, oh this is remotely healthy. and the my intestines cramp up and explode

K: I beg to differ. Eating the Fiber one bars is too risky. And adding that in with a designer coffee? Just asking for trouble.

L: too much acid in the tummy…  gas and explosion. on top of that, eat at the ward center, and you’re suddenly bulemic

K: You should remember to grab your cup on the way to the bathroom. Sheesh.

L: ew

K: Shitastic if you ask me.  Here is my least fave thing about ordering at Starbucks: stop acting like you don’t know what a large is. And stop correcting me!?!?

L: favorite thing about ordering at starbucks:  getting that sweet dark nectar from the gods.  so, i have been treating myself to the Bucks more often rcently as i have had a gift card, which i registered, so i get deals and coupons and free drinks. i love the starbucks app

K: I particularly enjoy going with John who will cave to the lingo. He gets so frustrated with me when I won’t use their words and he will try to cover for me. I’m always like no. I want the large. And the regular flavor.  I have to say getting a coffee gift card is pretty much the best. It’s almost like getting an awesome high 5.

L: ok, so here is my thing, despite all the douchiness of the Bucks… i love it

K: Next best thing: when someone treats you to a coffee. So fun

L: and when people stop at Wawa or some shit for coffee… ni say, no thanks, i’ll wait til we see a Starbucks.  i need good coffee

i am such a snob

K: Me too. But I’m not going to lie. I like to mess with them.

K: WaWa? No.

L: dunkin donuts?  could their BE MORE WATERY COFFEE

vomit

K: I am going to agree with you on this one. Snobbery does not apply. We all deserve a good cup of Joe.

DD has a horrible aftertaste. Not worth it.

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L: ok, so in conclusion?  lingo is douchey.  but i’ll do it for good coffee. grande.

K: Large

K: Starbucks is win.

L: fetch

K: So fetch. 

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6 thoughts on “Getting What You Want At Starbucks vs Not Being A Douche

  1. Mary

    Fetch is just not happening. Speaking of bulimic, how about those girls who eat food for the taste and then spit the actual food into a cup? Sounds like a plan

  2. Erica H

    I recently went to a starbucks and was offered a trenta. the barista of course did not say it with the proper Italian emphasis and I had to ask her like 30 times what a trenta was. I declined the trenta. venti is my max I think, even as a Hurtt

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