Today we talk about cheese. This is one of our very favorite things. All types. We find that most foods, snack or other, are really just vehicles for good dips or for cheese.
Now, while all cheese is good (except for that plastic square known as American cheese… vomit), especially goat, today we focus on the king of cheese: le brie.
Let me direct you to an excellent BuzzFeed piece called 23 Next-Level Ways to Make Baked Brie. Below are our suggestions / feelings regarding each suggested brie pairings.
1. With wild mushrooms and thyme melted right in: while not a huge mushroom fan, the thyme and brie combo is A-OK by me! I give it an 8.
K: Agreed. Although I’m not too keen on the twig of thyme getting stuck between my teeth.
2. Glazed with pumpkin butter and walnuts: Never had it, but pumpkin butter sounds delectable. 8
K: I’m going to go with 9 here. Lauren, I think we need to immediately make this.
3. Spiked with brandied cranberries and figs: While I am a peasant when it comes to shopping, I would ask the grocer where to find these ingredients to make this amazing cheese…. 9
K: I question the figs. I’m not one to enjoy a Fig Newton, so I’m going to have to let you visit Wegman’s and make this for me.
4. As a galette, with fig and pear: I am not going to pretend to know what a galette is, but it looks good. Fig and Pear, yeah, ok, I’ll accept that. 7
K: See above. I’m totally willing to try the one you will make me.
5. Dripping with maple syrup and pecans: Dripping. Yes please. Maple syrup and brie… do I see a scene from the next Super Troopers? 10
K: 10. Without a doubt. Now don’t spit in my brie.
6. Smothered with blackberry compote: Again, compote? No idea, but with brie, the darker the berry accompaniment, the better! 9
K: I am going to give this one an 11. Sounds delightful and we could have it with some wine.
7. As bite-sized pastries, with rosemary and honey: OK, while cute, that is just not enough brie. And way too time-consuming. Rosemary and Honey sound winning though. I’ll make it as a whole brie, none of this bitesize nonsense. 8
K: I like bite-sized but I’m going to be honest. I’ll eat about 400. Bring it.
8. Pouring out of crisp, flaky phyllo dough with apricot jam: flaky dough, nom nom. Not a huge apricot jam person, but ok. 6
K: Don’t you think we could totally swap out the apricot jam for another? Methinks we could change this one to an 8.
9. In puff pastry, topped with cold figs, pistachios, and honey: This looks super work-intensive. Worth it? Sure, if you make it for me. Also, figs… only a few, ok? 7
K: Damn it. Stop it with the damn figs. It’s never going to happen. Fetch.
10. With a thick layer of spiced blueberry sauce: what did we talk about? The darker the berry, the better brie-pairing. Yes! 9
K: Win! I’m so excited about choosing the vehicle on which to place said brie.
11. En croûte, with sundried tomatoes and thyme: Savory… I am digging it! Love me some SDTs! 8
K: I really believe the savory is under supported here in this brie overview. The savory can always be the clincher. Savory is delightful. I’m not going to lie, though. I can’t handle your abbreviation for sun dried tomatoes.
12. In a ramekin with soft roasted garlic and honey: Not going to lie, I have never seen the work ramekin spelled out before. Garlic is always a yes. So this is an 8.
K: I really love you. I also love ramekins. They are both adorable and functional. I am very interested in the garlic/honey pairing. Intriguing.
13. With grape balsamic compote and slivered almonds: I believe in interesting balsamic. Grape… maybe. Maybe more of the darker berry… tbd. 7
K: I like it. I want it. Sweet. Savory. Crunchy. Seems like a win for me.
14. In a perfectly-browned pastry shell, with sun-dried tomatoes and capers: Capers… forever and always. Though the black olives in the pic look tasteless and dull. Get me some high end kalamata olives, and yes. 8
K: CAPERS ARE SO UNDERUSED. I want this immediately. Will you make this for me for my birthday? I just can’t even.
15. On a stick, with sweet cherry jam: Cherry flavored things, what am I 5 and sick and you’re forcing meds down my gag-reflex throat? I mean, I’ll try it. But again, too small. On a stick… ppfft. 4
K: NO. I give this a 2. I’m not interested. And thank you for bringing up the gag reflex.
16. Blended with cream, baked inside an artichoke: Can we just say – ARTICHOKE GOOD. This would probably kill me with amazingness. Immediately. Le nom. 9
K: Fire. BAD. This is great and also a good birthday contender. Way to sneak that little extra Frenchness in there, too, Laur. I up this to a 10 because of that.
17. Swimming in pecan praline sauce: Praline sauce is often overly sweet for me, but I think the right creamy brie may cut it nicely. I’ll accept this as an offering, but I shall not make it meself. (yes, meself. Not a typo. Suck it) 6
K: This one, I’ll make for you. I am also imagining you giving me the Friends “Suck It” hand gesture.
18. Topped with roasted strawberries, oozing from a thick layer of pastry: Thank you for “oozing.” Elicits both a delicious and a disgustingly anatomical image. Strawberries… kind of peasant for this fancy brie list, do you think? 6
K: Pedestrian, if you ask me.
19. With honey, lavender, and thyme baked into the rind: OMG. Yes. This might win. Honey. Yes. Lavender. Yes. Thyme. Omg yes. Just cheese, no pastry. “No, no, don’t hide them” (SNL – if you get it, I heart you) 10
K: I get it. And it solidifies our friendship. Friendship is magic…and this one is a definite 10 in my book.
20. In a neat parcel of prosciutto, phyllo dough, and pear jam: Again with the savory. I am intrigued. Not against, but worried it might be too much. Like one bite in and I am ready for a 20-minute break. 7
K: I will eat all of this. The pairing sound delectable and I want this right now. There is a good chance I will hover above and prevent anyone else from having any.
21. As a rustic dip with crispy bacon, peppers, and thyme: I mean, bacon and cheese dip. Yes. But not really within the theme of the baked brie. I think this one is a delicious cheat. 7
K: I disagree. I think this sounds delish. And a fun change to the traditional brie exchange. Let’s try it and decide.
22. Wrapped in a simple, thin layer of prosciutto: Nom. I’ll accept it. 7
K: Meh. Has no hutzpah for me. I’d rather just eat the brie. Make it TRIPLE CREAM BRIE and I’m totally there.
23. For the brie-averse, cream cheese baked with bacon and ranch is a delicious alternative: No. There is no brie averse. There is brie or brie not. Choose wisely. 0
K: This is literally the most horrible thing in the whole wide world. I just can’t even. No. No. No. No. No.
And now you’re all thinking: I’ll send you an application for a) fat camp or b) heart surgery. Hey man, don’t try this at home. One a month will suffice. Just remember, Brie is all you need. Everything else is a menial substitute for cheese.